My boyfriend cheated

In November , I was rushed into hospital for an emergency C-section at 39 weeks - after my baby stopped moving. I was terrified but Jack kept me calm and when our son, George, was placed in my arms, my worries melted away.

I looked up at Jack, who had tears running down his face. In that moment, everything was perfect. I was surprised.

Although we were friends, we weren't that close, and I felt grateful for her generosity. George is lovely, by the way. As she did so, she shot a look at Jack which made me feel uncomfortable, although I couldn't say why.

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Jack seemed on edge for the rest of the afternoon. The next day, he announced he was going to stay at his mum's overnight.

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I was shocked at how selfish he was being, I'd only given birth a week earlier and it was so unlike him. But George wasn't sleeping properly and I was struggling with breastfeeding, so things were stressful at home. I knew it wasn't just tiredness, Jack had become distant and was constantly staring at his phone. I was in total shock. If there was an argument, do you have a safe place to sleep? Are there close friends or family that need to be on standby to help with logistical issues if you or your partner have decided to get some space from each other?

Are there children or pets that need to be prioritized in order to not let things get outwardly explosive? The more intertwined your lives have become, the more mindful you need to be that as emotional as you may be feeling, there are logistical considerations to be taken care of, so that you keep the nuts and bolts of your daily life stable.

Though you may not be ready to make any decisions yet, you need to lay a solid foundation where you can think decisions through, enact a plan, and begin the healing process. This means doing everything you can to get sleep when you can, get fresh air and exercise, decide who in your social circle might be helpful to have know about this, and try — even in the chaos — to make time for things that usually help you relax, like exercise, meditation, artistic hobbies, or yoga. Don't look at it as getting through one event, but rather taking care of yourself through a period of life that will have several different stages.

Do you want to sit down and have a conversation about it once you are feeling more calm? Do you want to talk it over in a therapist's office? Do you want to meet in a neutral place to discuss a plan for the coming weeks while you get your bearings? Now is the time to figure out how to communicate in as reasoned a manner as you can muster, because games and stunts will not be helpful in the long run. One of the toughest parts of the initial stages of something like this is that you may feel very alone.

Choose carefully. The decision of what to say and what not to say is a personal one, but you should keep several things in mind. Tell the people who you know will have your best interests at heart and be in the position to offer emotional support. The level of detail is up to you, but don't tell someone solely out of anger.

It might come back to haunt you if you decide to make amends with your partner. Just like you shouldn't disclose what you are going through solely out of anger, so too should you use caution in how you decide to move forward. Of course, in some situations, you may know that this is indeed a deal-breaker and your relationship is over, and that is completely valid. Other relationships that are longer-term and more complicated will be better served by a less black-and-white perspective, at least in the beginning.

Resist the urge for escalation or revenge. When we are hurt, we may feel the very natural urge to go on the attack. Most of us can imagine this in the physical sense, when we may try to fight back if we are being physically assaulted. In the emotional sense, this may look like trying to "get back" at the person who hurt us, even if we loved them dearly up until this betrayal and perhaps that's what makes us want to hurt them more. Take a breath before you do anything irreversible, especially when it comes from a place of intense, "hot" emotions, like anger or pain.

Don't assume you know the whole story until you do — and even then, watch your assumptions. Keep attempting to separate fact from conjecture throughout the data-gathering phase. Though your instincts and gut feelings are important, make sure you are identifying them as such, rather than conflating them with the facts at hand. You will need to be as clear-headed as possible as you decide how to move forward. Now, it's yet another consideration and a very important one at that.

Be mindful of what you do that can't be undone. That said, there is wisdom in not pretending that everything is okay either, with fake-happy photos and a false persona. Don't be afraid to take a break from social media altogether to give yourself the time and space to not have to worry about what image you are putting forth.

Are they sorry, or just sorry they got caught? Do you they even still want to try to work on the relationship, or is it your assumption and hope that they'd want to fight for you?

Is it the sex that is most bothersome, or was there a long-standing history of deceit? Are they rushing you toward putting this behind you? Have they really told you the whole story, or is there more they seem to be hiding? Are they willing to answer your questions openly, or is there a limit to what you're "allowed" to find out? And how did you find out? Did they tell you to hurt you, to absolve their guilt , or to truly move forward and rebuild? Or, if you found out, do you have reason to believe they ever would have stopped if they hadn't been caught?

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Are there patterns of behavior where your partner always needs to be admired or desired by others, at any cost? Might the infidelity indicate deeper-seated issues with sex, substance abuse , deception , controlling behavior, or gender roles? Sometimes what the behavior means or represents is even more important than the behavior itself. Some people are surprised by the range of emotions that they have in the aftermath of a partner's betrayal, including ones that feel "wrong" or surprising.

For instance, you may be shocked and frustrated that you have a sudden urge to forget the cheating entirely, because you feel very lonely and sad and just want things to go back to how they were. Or you may be annoyed with yourself that you feel so blindsided and lost; you think you should have been wiser, and now your anger is directed at yourself.

You may be embarrassed or blame yourself, no matter how little rational reason there is to feel that way. The healthiest way through these feelings is to acknowledge them and let them have their moment. Some people find it very helpful to journal during this time, or to have unstructured conversations with trusted friends who will listen and validate feelings without pushing you toward immediate action. Of course, individual therapy can be helpful as well.

The key is to acknowledge those emotions and let them work their way out, so they will no longer have power over you by threatening to explode from under the surface. Understand that this is different, of course, than acting on them. As much as you don't have to figure things out right now, it will be in your best interest to come up with a plan of how to figure things out. Will you seek individual counseling?

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Do you want to give couples' counseling a shot? Are there conditions under which you will give your partner a second chance? Is there further information you need to find out? Making a decision about how to move forward will take some time, but the sooner you can figure out what you need to get there, the better. It was you that your partner was supposed to be longing for and thinking about. Having that foundation shaken can put you in a place to doubt that anyone loves you at all. As you're going through this, you're going to be tempted more than ever to give up on taking care of yourself in the ways that matter most — exercise, social time, sleep, and eating well.

That's the awful paradox that happens when we're faced with tough times — we take care of ourselves much less when we need it the very most. Don't let self-care slide. Enlist your friends to keep you accountable for it. You wouldn't choose to send an army into battle who hadn't slept all night and was subsisting on a diet of Doritos and vodka for the past three days, would you? At last, you're here. Maybe your work is moving forward past a breakup that you have now initiated, or your partner initiated, or both. Maybe your work is finding a marriage counselor and attempting to rebuild.

Whatever comes, make sure to keep taking care of yourself. If you are planning on keeping the relationship, part of the work is rebuilding trust. Have you moved on following infidelity?

How to Get Over the Fact That My Boyfriend Cheated

How did you do it? Let us know in the comments below. I need someone to help me find out if my partner is cheating on me.